How to Have a Successful Marriage (God's Way)

Marriage According to Ephesians 5:22-33

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

Husbands love this verse. And because translators inserted chapters and verse numbers, certain parts of Scripture are easy to quote, especially when discussing a topic. Sadly, it’s easy to build a teaching or a doctrine and then use one of these handy number breaks as reference. But this entire section was written as one part regarding marriage within the body of believers. The first three verses apply to wives. Let’s examine them and see what the Holy Spirit was leading Paul to say.

Wives are to submit to their husbands as to the Lord. Why? Because the husband is head of the wife as Christ is head of the church. And He is the Savior of the body. Let’s examine it this way:

Husband = head of wife
Christ = head of church

There is a parallel at work here. The relationship between man and wife on earth is similar to the relationship between God and believers. This should not be too surprising since Jesus explained the commandments like this:

Then one of the scribes came, and having heard them reasoning together, perceiving that He had answered them well, asked Him, “Which is the first commandment of all?” Jesus answered him, “The first of all the commandments is: ‘Hear, O Israel, the LORD our God, the LORD is one. And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment. 31 And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12: 29-31)

First of all, love God. Once you love God, then you can have the conduit open to love your neighbor, those here on earth.

Understanding this structure is crucial to maintaining a Godly marriage. This instruction was for married believers. A man loves God. He has a spiritual relationship with God and is a follower of Jesus Christ. He is obligated to love God with all his heart, soul, mind, and strength. Now he can love his fellow human beings. He meets a woman who loves God. She, too, has a spiritual relationship with God and follows Jesus Christ. She loves God with her heart, soul, mind, and strength. She loves her fellow human beings and meets the man. These two have their relationships with God; now, they can live by His Word together, and His plan is that she submits to her husband as she has to God. This is only part of His plan.


25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

At first glance this may not seem like much of a commandment. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” Usually the last part of a sentence is what resonates in our mind, and most men usually say “Of course I would give my life for my wife,” but we forget the first part of the sentence, the reason why giving our lives is even suggested: “Love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church…”

How much did Christ love the church? Sure, He gave His life, but much more than that. His entire ministry, His life was for the believers. Everything he did or said was for the glory of God to the people on earth. He wanted people to know who He was, who God was, that they were loved even to the point of death. The last line of verse 25 reminds us that Christ “gave Himself for her.” He gave His life, His entire life on this planet for everyone on it. That’s love. Life until the point of death. Sometimes we think how easy it would be to die for God or our wives, but are we willing to live for God… and our wives? That’s what husbands are commanded to do.

The parallels continue in verses 25-29 as we see the relationship between man and wife, and Christ and believers; (1) that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, (2) that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but (3) that she should be holy and without blemish.

The husband’s job is help sanctify and purify his wife through the cleansing power of the word just like Jesus. The husband should present her without spot, wrinkle, or any such thing that would defile her. He is to help her stay holy before himself and God.

This is the duty of the husband, to live for God and for our wives just like Jesus lived to fulfill the Father’s wish and for his believers. You want to buy a bass boat? How will that benefit your wife? You want to buy a big screen television? What would be the advantage for your wife? You want to stay out a little late with some friends? How will that affect your wife? The role of the husband is to be a servant for the sake of the wife. And if the wife submits to him, he will succeed.

This is God’s plan. Genesis 2:18 says “And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” But the man is also to be a helper to the woman. By loving God we can love each other. When husbands and wives love each other—and submit to their respective roles—we draw closer to God.

The end of Ephesians chapter five, which quotes from Genesis chapter two, sums up the two roles of husband and wife, and why believers should adhere to God’s plan:

30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Day of Atonement

There's so much to talk about since my last blog: The Gulf Coast Writers Conference, my housesitting trip to Birmingham which was rained out, helping my mom prepare for her trip to Mississippi. But since today is the Day of Atonement I would like to share some thoughts:

What does the Day of Atonement (Yom Kippur) have to do with Believers in Messiah Yeshua/Jesus Christ? It is one of the Feasts of the Lord mentioned in Leviticus 23. In Hebrew, Feasts is moedim, or “appointed times.” The seventh month is called Tishrei (Tish-RAY). Yom Kippur literally means Day of Covering. It is a day of atoning for sins, to cover them, to put them in the past, and to remember what our Savior did for us.

Three things that are commanded on Yom Kippur:
1. “Afflict your souls”
2. “Do no manner of work”
3. “Offer an offering of fire”

1. What does it mean to “afflict your souls?”:
According to Jewish tradition the phrase “afflict your souls” means to fast. How do we get “fast” from “afflict your souls”? From the Bible, of course! See Isaiah 58: 3-7.
2. “Do no manner of work”: This day is a day of rest, to focus on God and his redeeming work, to purge the sin from our lives and begin the next year focused on Him.
3. “Offer an offering of fire”: This part was designed for the tabernacle and temple worship when the people would bring a fire offering. Since there’s no temple, and we have a better sacrifice, we cannot bring an offering of fire.

A better sacrifice?

"Therefore it was necessary that the copies of the things in the heavens should be purified with these, but the heavenly things themselves with better sacrifices than these. For Christ has not entered the holy places made with hands, which are copies of the true, but into heaven itself, now to appear in the presence of God for us; not that He should offer Himself often, as the high priest enters the Most Holy Place every year [only on Yom Kippur] with blood of another— He then would have had to suffer often since the foundation of the world; but now, once at the end of the ages, He has appeared to put away sin by the sacrifice of Himself."--Hebrews 9: 23-26

Jesus is our High Priest AND our sin offering.

"And every priest stands ministering daily and offering repeatedly the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins. But this Man, after He had offered one sacrifice for sins forever, sat down at the right hand of God, from that time waiting till His enemies are made His footstool." -- Hebrews 10: 11-13

Happy Yom Kippur!!

Embracing Evil

Today I have a few thoughts regarding vampires. I do not have a lot of time or space to say everything I'd like, but just a few things. For one, ever since I was a little kid I enjoyed vampire movies (please follow me here and reserve any judgment until the end). There are several that even today stand out in my mind: Dracula, Fright Night, The Lost Boys, Nosferatu (both versions). But the I can't get into the newer stuff particularly Twilight and Sookie Sackhouse (True Blood), which I believe were ushered in by the Interview With The Vampire movie adaptation in the 1990s. Some people would say that Believers shouldn't watch anything with vampires, period. But there's something about people fighting a diabolical creature, an epic struggle of good versus evil, and seeing the seemingly invinclible monster defeated.

That's it! Film critic Leonard Maltin calls the vampire in 1922's Nosferatu "the ugliest vampire in film history." This first (and unauthorized) film version of Dracula scared many people because of the rat-like creature. He is thin, bald, has two long sharp close-set fangs jutting out from his mouth, and long, claw-like fingers with sharp nails. In fact, the 1979 German remake explains the vampire's arrival as the cause of the great Plague. (Okay, stay with me here.)

That's what's so wonderful about Dracula, that eerily filmed 1931 Universal classic starring Bela Lugosi. Who can forget that accent? "I don't drink... vine." The movie still knows how to hold an audience, and imagine what it did to those post-Depression moviegoers investing their hard earned coins to see this charming deceptive creature prey on the unsuspecting! They probably wanted to yell at Renfield (Jonathan Harker in the novel): "Get out of there! He's going to bite you!"

And that's the difference. The vampires of old were threats. Death incarnate. Evil personified. Countless works have been written on the Christian symbolism in Bram Stoker's 1897 novel, the book that popularized the vampire myth. The power of the Cross, the burning of holy water and sunlight, and of course, the drinking of blood. The Bible cautions us not to drink blood because the blood is the life. The vampire is a symbol of the devil. He gets his strength from people not believing he is this evil thing. He is undead. There is no life for him, but he is immortal; however, he can only retain his immortality by taking the lifeforce within the living. He can take an unsuspecting life walking outside among the world, but must be invited into one's home before he can attack there. And once the invitation is given it cannot be revoked.

Today's vampire culture is the exact opposite of Stoker's original vision. The vampire is a misunderstood outcast who only wants to find a place in this world. The vampire protagonist is not evil, although his enemies are and usually for personal reasons. Crosses have no effect. Holy water only makes him wet. He will attack in someone's home if he so chooses. Sunlight seems to still be a factor, although some modern stories have "daywalkers," vampires who are not even affected by sunlight.

In other words, they are saying the devil is not really evil. The great vampire stories of old contain innocent people whose lives are threatened by demonic beasts. Today, these creatures are the innocent victims, who only want acceptance and love... and blood. Do not invite them in! There is a wonderful new novel addressing the idea of a vampire who does evil, but thinks he's doing good. Unlike most stories today, this one does not shy away from this troubling issue, but tackles it head on in a grippingly suspenseful way: http://www.thejudgingnovel.com/.