10 Christmas Movies For People Who Hate Christmas

Christmas is that time of year when we talk about giving to others less fortunate, goodwill to others, peace on earth, and then trample strangers in Wal-Mart for that last toy on the shelf that your kid will be bored with in an hour. Hollywood has tried to divert us from that trend by offering tons of movies each year about “the real meaning of Christmas,” which is either about estranged family members coming together, or how the solemn curmudgeon really has a heart of gold, or kids trying to get their divorced family members together, or how it’s the time of for miracles. There’s also the latest variation of A Christmas Carol. And there are those who actually say it’s about the birth of Jesus.

But what if you’re tired of the usual Christmas fare? Maybe (gasp!) you don’t even like Christmas. What can you do? Embrace your inner Scrooge, cry “Bah Humbug!” and try watching one of these Christmas movies for people who hate Christmas listed in no particular order.

1.       Lethal Weapon

Brenda Lee’s “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” plays over the opening credits as we see the L.A. cityscape at night. Then a half-naked woman jumps to her death and we’re on the way to meet family man Murtaugh and burned out Riggs for the first time. This film launched the successful franchise, and features a climactic bare-hands showdown between Mel Gibson and Gary Busey back when both were not train wrecks. But the Christmas setting takes a backseat to all the 80s buddy cop action giving us the chance to witness the glory of a time when cell phones still came in portable bags.

2.       Die Hard

After Warner Brothers' success with Lethal Weapon in 1987, Twentieth Century Fox just the next year released this classic action story about… okay, with four sequels everyone knows what Die Hard is about. And yes, it’s set at Christmas (also in Los Angeles). Instead of showcasing Brenda Lee, Bruce Willis arrives at the Nakatomi Building listening to Run-D.M.C.’s “Christmas in Hollis” (a great Christmas song for people who don’t like Christmas songs, but that’s another story). There’s plenty of action and humor in the original flick including Argyle the limo-driver’s last line: “If this is their idea of Christmas, I gotta be here for New Year’s!”

3.       Friday After Next

Craig and Day Day (Ice Cube and Mike Epps) are back in this funny sequel to Next Friday. This time they have their own place and have jobs as mall security guards. When a burglar dressed as Santa Claus robs them on Christmas Eve they are determined to catch the criminal and get their stolen property (mainly their weed). Needless to say, hilarious hijinks ensue. The movie has a wonderful supporting cast including Terry Crews (The Expendables franchise, Brooklyn Nine-Nine) as an overly affectionate newly-released ex-con; Katt Williams as Money Mike, a pimp-ish store owner; and John Witherspoon, who returns for as Mr. Jones, who helps his brother make barbeque so good it makes you wanna slap your mama.

4.       Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

Okay, this movie really isn’t that good. The most notorious thing about it is that TV ads for the film were pulled and parents protested outside movie theaters until the film was pulled after only two weeks. Why? Because the murderer was dressed like Santa Claus. The TV ads featured Saint Nick with an ax and that was just too much for some folks. Sure if the killer had a white-painted rubber William Shatner mask or a hockey mask, that was okay, but they drew the line at Santa. Yes, things have changed a lot in 30 years. The movie is about a boy left orphaned after a man dressed as Santa Claus kills his parents. He is put in an orphanage and snaps so he dresses as Santa Claus and kills people. Strangely, the movie went on to produce a few sequels.

5.       Silent Night (2012)

This killer-at-large-during-Christmas movie is actually pretty good, especially if you like low-budget horror films and Malcolm McDowell. The story is very familiar: Guy dressed as Santa goes around the town killing people. However, the focus isn’t on the killer as much as it is about the deputy (Jaime King) trying to bring him down. McDowell seems like he has a lot of fun as the town’s sheriff. Donal Logue has a small role as a smart-assed traveling Santa, which apparently is a profession.

6.       Wind Chill (2007)

Wind Chill is probably one of the best horror films set at Christmas you will find. There are no killers dressed as Santa Claus, no over-the-top bloody mutilations, no axes or knives although it does use Brenda Lee’s “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” very ominously. So what makes this movie scary? It’s a psychological thriller that almost literally turns into something else. Emily Blunt and Ashton Holmes (as “Girl” and “Guy,” respectively) play strangers sharing a car ride to Delaware from college over Christmas break. By answering an ad on a public bulletin board, Blunt accepts a drive home from a young man who knows way more about her than he should. When they turn on a snow-covered road as a “shortcut”, the two soon find themselves in a situation that finds them working together to survive, and the snow is the least of their problems.

7.       Any Doctor Who Christmas Special

If Lethal Weapon and Die Hard warned us of staying in L.A. during Christmas, Doctor Who shares the same trepidation about London. Seriously, the BBC science fiction series usually has a Christmas episode apart from their usual season run, and they’re often stand alone episodes so even people who aren’t familiar with the show shouldn’t feel too lost. You’ll find intrigue, laughs, and even the occasional good feeling. Past episodes have guest-starred Kylie Minogue, Claire Skinner, and Michael Gambon.

8.       Bad Santa

Bad Santa is the perfect movie for this list. A thief and his accomplice (Billy Bob Thornton and Tony Cox) pose as Santa Claus and his elf helper targeting department stores during the holidays. Everything goes well until their latest mark’s security guard suspects them of their plan. Hilarious and definitely not for kids. Check out the unrated version, which the DVD’s cover refers to as Badder Santa.

9.       Trading Places

Eddie Murphy’s second film is a modern spin on the classic Prince and the Pauper theme. Murphy plays a conman who is the victim of a secret bet between commodities brokers the Duke Brothers (Ralph Bellamy and Don Ameche) to see if Murphy can be just as successful as brokerage wunderkind Louis Winthorpe III (Dan Aykroyd). Soon Winthorpe finds out what has happened, and then things really get good. Although this film is set during Christmas it climaxes over New Year’s, and the New Year party aboard the train with Murphy, Aykroyd, and Jamie Lee Curtis in disguises to fool a Duke Brothers spy (Paul Gleason) is not to be missed! Definitely one of the best films of the 80s.

10.  A Christmas Story

Okay, this may be a somewhat traditional Christmas movie, but you gotta love this story of little Ralphie, who only wants an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle. This movie has it all: the Triple-Dog Dare, the Little Orphan Annie Secret Decoder Ring, the fishnet stocking leg lamp (“It’s a major award!”), and the trip to see Santa. The movie is based on the novel In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash by Jean Shepherd, who narrates the film as Ralphie as an adult, and also has a cameo as a father waiting in the line for Santa who tells Ralphie “the line ends here. It begins there.” Definitely a movie to watch during the holidays even if you don’t like Christmas.