This is a little too much to post as a Facebook status, but the website is experiencing trouble and won't let me post this as a Note. So here it is on the blog:
Just a little while ago I took some trash out to the garbage can. The corner of the house is dark and when I opened the lid I felt two bugs hit me. I thought "Uh-oh! I ran into a spider web!" I went back inside and immediately told Ellen what happened, that I think I ran into a spider web, is anything on me?
Okay, first of all let me say that Ellen is terrified of bugs and I am the designated bug killer in the family. I wear size 14 shoes so I have no problem with squishing the little guys and hearing the little "pop" underneath my sneakers! (Too graphic? Sorry...)
So when I ask her if she sees anything, she starts screaming! After 11 years I know it's not fake play screaming, but the "There's something there" screaming! She's doing the typical girlie screaming where she's fanning her hands really quickly as if she's trying to shake something off them, and she emitting a high-pitched yell! I take that as a yes.
But now I'm starting to panic! And it's all in sloooow-motion. It only lasted about a second: One thousand one; one second. But of course, it more like: What is it? (One...) A Black Widow? A Brown Recluse? (Thou...) Is it going to bite me and inject me with it's venom?! (...sand...) What is it?! Why won't you get it off?! Is it going to bite me now?! (One...) Don't just stand there! Help me!!
Ellen got her bravery on and slapped my arm a couple of times knocking the critter off. "Step on it! Step on it!" You don't have to tell me twice! I stepped on it, and then I asked her, "What was it?"
"A praying mantis."
A praying mantis? That's it? I could have released the thing back outside. After all, it's not like it was going to try to mate with me and bite my head off. But still I didn't know what it was; I stepped first and asked questions later like any man would do.
But Ellen did a very brave thing. She swiped at the bug with her bare hands, alleviating the threat. Way to go Ellen!
I hope she responds to this because I would like to hear her version of events. One thing she said was that right before she swatted at it, it turned it's head and looked at her. Yeah, that would be kinda creepy...
It did look at me, like 'hey what's up?'... and he forgot to mention that it was THREE FREAKIN' INCHES LONG!!!!! otherwise, this account is very accurate!
ReplyDeleteOh, yeah. It was kind of big. Again, but I didn't know that until it was dead. :)
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